Finally. an answer to the great Pyramid conundrum

From Cracked.com: http://www.cracked.com/funny-4423-pyramids/

Death from above: Chemtrails, C.A.C.T.U.S. and yet another conspiracy to kill us all

The airplanes that fly above our heads may be being used for a purpose more sinister than transporting people and materials from place to place in a timely manner. A slew of evidence has been gathering on such journalistic hotbeds as Conspiracy Planet and Above Top Secret regarding an aerial threat more lethal than Alien Spacecraft or Millionaires in hot air baloons: Chemtrails.

To the untrained eye, the trails left by passing airplanes are nothing more than harmless exhaust or water vapor. To those who know better, they are evidence of a sinister plot to poison people or, even more horrifyingly, control their minds.

Thankfully, the internet is rife with groups that have taken it upon themselves to study the evil chemtrails and fight against them. Carnicom.com is among the premier "scientific" sites studying the effects of these chemtrails on the general populace.

It is the site's contention that the site causes Morgellons, some sort of mysterious skin condition. The site blames chemtrails for a number of different ailments, but is extremely difficult to navigate, possibly due to prolonged exposure to said chemtrails.

Another group, C.A.C.T.U.S. (Citizens Against Chemtrails in the U.S.) has circulated a petition demanding a Congressional Investigation into the sinister aerial phenomenon.

Conspiracy "scholars" disagree on the exact nature of the trails, who is spraying them, why, and where. All they are sure of is that they are definitely a grave threat to you and your loved ones.

Oh, and that they need more money to investigate it.

As one portion of the site circulating petitions says:

"What's in the chemtrails, and why are they spraying us? We wish we knew. There are only a few planes in the world that have the equipment to analyze the spray mix and can get to the CT altitudes, clearance must be obtained to fly into the trails and money must be raised for the $22,000 per day plane rental fee."

Only $22,000 a day to study the sinister nature of plane vapor trails which are apparently going to kill us all? That sounds like a great investment.

The dark powers of evil are on a quest to rule the world, but the world isn't about to be conquered without a fight. A small band of warriors have pledged to stop them. Yet this battlefield lies not in the realm of the flesh but in the virtual land where all great wars are waged, in the mystical world that Nostradamus referred to in his quatrains as the "Visio Libri." Today, lay people refer to it as The Facebook.

Deep within the heart of this Facebook, which is also home to other bloody struggles like Vampire Wars and a terrible conflict between Pirates and Ninjas, the Illuminati have amassed an army of 5,564 "Fans." According to various sources, these ruthless power mongers, reviled on such forums as "Above Top Secret," are responsible for all the world's ills, from war & famine to Ke$ha and Miley Cyrus.

With their unholy army 5,564 fans, and supposed control of everything except conspiracy website, there would seem to be no stopping them. Thankfully, Facebook boasts a small band of highly trained Illuminati fighters, dedicated to protecting the decent people of the earth. The group calls itself "F**k the Freemasons and the Illuminati," and with their 1,245 members, they could very well be the only things standing between the Illuminati and world domination...The strange thing is, the group seems to be of the belief that the Illuminati already run the world. So...how do they allow this group to exist? And how can this simple Facebook group stop them?

For the group's leader the answer is simple: indoctrinate the youth. "Invite your friends let try getting a million strong agianst the freemasons, illuminati, and show them they have been exposed, i try and tell everyone and anyone and teach them about what is really going on in this world, awareness is needed for the youth, i feel so good when i see that youth aged 14-15 know about this, when i was that age i did not have a clue about them. so people please invite your friends list. "

With an ambitious plan like that, hopefully it will only be a matter of time before this group of 14 year olds over runs the illuminati and their godless conspiracy. The days of the illuminati are numbered...the freemasons too. F**k them.

The true Origin of the Human Species

Kirk Cameron was right! Darwin has finally been disproved, and without the aid of any of those stuck up scientists. Mankind didn't evolve from Monkeys! They evolved from Lizards.

In a particularly lengthy post on Above Top Secret, "autowrench" reveals the true origins of the Human species: lizard people who live underneath our very feet. He (or she) includes a link to a website outlining our cold blooded origins, called The Reptilian Agenda

For too long, the Reptilians have kept our roots secret (That's very high on their agenda). But thanks to bold thinkers like Wrench, we now know the truth. According to Wrench, Reptilians who came from space created human beings in their image (minus the scales), and they dwell within the earth, only emerging occasionally to contact bloggers and have sex with Pamela Stonebrooke.

Wrench reveals that the Reptilians (aka the Annunaki) were also the reason the U.S. invaded Iraq: "I certainly suspected that Saddam Hussein had found something, perhaps Anunnaki technology left by them, and that was why the US really went in. Was Saddam attempting to contact the Anunnaki? Was he successful? We may never know."
Hussein may not have had ties to Al-Qaeda, but he may have had ties to the lizard people, whom are likely fall more dangerous.

Apart from explaining the origins of mankind and the U.S. Invasion of Iraq, the post also briefly explores the biblical references to creatures who live under the earth. For example, "Revelation 5:3 (KJV) And no man in heaven, nor in earth, neither under the earth, was able to open the book, neither to look thereon."

Under the earth, eh? Clearly that is a reference to the underground Reptilian empire.

The Bible may not mention the Reptilians by name, intelligent investigators like Autowrench, the Edward R. Murrow of Reptilian journalism, have been able to read between the lines.

The post inspired a lengthy comment thread, filled mostly with people who had also uncovered the truth about the Reptilians. One helpful comment even included a link
to a youtube video which explains the intricacies of the Reptilian civilization.

While Autowrench deserves credit for a very enlightening post, he fails to answer important questions like: Was Jim Morrison really their king? Was he a Reptilian? Are there other celebrity Reptilians among us?

Thankfully, many of those who commented on the post answered several of the unanswered questions.For example, "Reptilians control us via our CHAKRAS, mainly the lower chakras. This is why I never do any chakra based meditation now, all you do when you open chakras is FEED the reptilians," said Mr. Green.

A few readers, however, were not convinced by Wrench's Reptilian theory, and they attacked what they felt were factual inaccuracies in the post.

"Reptile humanoids AREN'T ALIENS, they are product from Anunnaki engineering, just as US," claimed UCALIEN.

Of course, that sounds a little far fetched.

Most experts on the underground Reptilian civilization that controls us through our Chakras would probably disagree with such an outlandish theory.

Jay-Z's Blueprint... of Evil!

Evil, thy name is Hova.

In a series of web videos, or rather, in one very long video broken into at least 11 parts, called the "Jay-Z Deception", youtube user "theforerunner777" has finally revealed the many hidden connections between Jay-Z (aka "Hova"), the Freemasons, the Beatles, and of course, Satan.

According to "forerunner", Jay-Z has long been part of the Freemason conspiracy to bring about the rule of Satan on earth. The proof, he says, is everywhere. For example, Jay-Z has released a trilogy of albums referred to as "The Blueprint." Hmmm...Who uses blueprints to build things? Masons! And who designs blueprints? Architects. And who is the architect with designs for an evil empire that will envelope all the world? Who could that be? Could it be... Satan?!!!

One could only come to one conclusion after making all those observations: Jay-Z is obviously a Satan-worshipping tool of the devil.

The whole series is filled with revelations like that. Other artists are implicated as well, from the Beatles("Aleister Crowley IS Sgt.Pepper!") to Kanye West (who really represents, as the video reveals, Osiris, the Egyptian lord of the underworld).

Even Ed Hardy clothing is apparently part of the conspiracy. The masons, according to the video, are fond of the "skull and bones" symbol, as is Satan. And what do these clothes have on them? Skulls and bones. The math is simple: Skulls = Satan. Ed Hardy = Skulls. Therefore, Ed Hardy = Satan.

Much of the video centers around the "Luciferian" messages in the music video for the Jay-Z song "Run this Town." As forerunner explains, the true meaning of the song is that Jay-Z believes "Lucifer is going to run the cities [or towns] of the Earth for eternity!"

Perhaps the lone flaw of this very scholarly video is that it fails to explain the full scope of the satanic conspiracy within the realm of the music world. Is Gucci Mane involved? What about Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas? I've long suspected she was sent by Satan himself to torment the world, and that "Fergalicious" plays on a continuous loop in Hell.

Unfortunately, we will have to wait for more revelations from "theforerunner777." Or perhaps we can try to listen for the evil messages on the radio ourselves.

Maybe, just maybe, "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha has a deeper, more sinister meaning.

Or maybe not.

Journey to the center of earth: The greatest expedition of ALL TIME

Once in a great while, a team of noble explorers venture on a journey that changes the course of human history. This year, a group of brave souls was planning on such a voyage. Perhaps inspired by the 2008 documentary revealing the wonders that dwell at the center of the earth, a group of 35 people had been raising money for what they called the North Pole Inner Earth Expedition, or NPIEE. At their website, the organizers detail their belief that the earth is hollow, and possibly houses some sort of inner earth civilization. They also outline a plan to journey to the north pole and enter the interior of the earth through an entrance buried in ice.

Those who were organizing the mission were not alone in their belief in a hollow earth. The idea goes back pretty far, and has its share of adherents. In fact, a previous expedition had also been planned, until the head of the expedition mysteriously died. His death led to speculation that he had come too close to the truth and was subsequently silenced.

Despite past attempts to stop other hollow earthers, the men and women of the NPIEE were undeterred. Their crew boasted a wide variety of fields of expertise, including, but not limited to:

" * Global Warming in the Arctic Circle
* Undersea film making
* Ocean chemical and physical properties
* Marine Biology
* Astronomy
* Computer Technologies
* Planetary Core Geology
* Ancient history
* Meditation training
* Musical compositions
* Cetation communications and biology
* Earth curvature measurement
* Magnetometry and Earth Magnetism analysis
* Borealis photography and spectrometry
* Arctic exploration "

The site notes that the head of the expedition is also a black belt, which would come in handy if the subterranean life forms they encounter happen to know karate.

Like the previous expedition, the NPIEE website asked for donations. However, the site says that all donations were required by January 2010, and that they needed to raise a sum of 6.4 million dollars by then. It is now February. The site shows no updates since then. Its as if they just disappeared after collecting their donations.

What happened? Did the scientific community get to them?
Were they kidnapped by the inner earth people? Do the inner earth people know karate?

Alas, until the website is updated, we may never know.

Stanley Kubrick: Great Director, or the man who faked the Moon landing?

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, Jay Weidner has finally gotten to the bottom of this moon landing business, and it turns out the evidence was right under everyone's nose. On the site Conspiracy Planet, and on his own website, Weidner unveils the culprit behind the supposed "Moon Landing:" the late film director Stanley Kubrick.

While lay people know Kubrick simply as the guy who directed such films as "The Shining" and "2001: A Space Odyssey," Weidner unveils the extraordinary number of "coincidences" that prove that Kubrick was behind the moon landing hoax. For instance, Stanley Kubrick directed a movie about space in 1968. And just the following year Nasa claims to have landed on the moon. And where is the moon located, you ask? In space!

The proof, Weidner states, is everywhere. Most notably in the movie itself. In the following quote, Weidner humbly explains his discoveries regarding the "black monolith" that appears in the film: "For the first time anywhere... I show how Kubrick designed the black monolith to be exactly the same size as the screen on which 2001 was projected. The monolith and the screen are the same thing. The monolith is the screen and the screen is the monolith. It is truly one of the greatest discoveries in cinema history," said the incredibly modest Weidner.

"When one realizes that Kubrick also used the Front Screen Projection system - not only for the ape scenes in 2001 - but also the fake the moon landings - we can see a double, or even possibly a triple meaning, inside the idea that the screen is the monolith and the monolith is the screen," said Weidner.

Um...ok. I get it. So the monolith IS the screen, man. But what does that prove, exactly?

Again, Weiner points to symbolism that only he is wise enough to see as proof that Kubrick faked the moon landing: "If the monolith is that device that enlightens humanity then the Front Screen Projection system, and it's unmistakable fingerprints, is the device that enlightens humanity as to how the Apollo landings were faked," said Weidner, referring to a film technique Kubrick used that was "unmistakably" used to fake the moon landing.

Weidner goes on to outline further evidence, like Kubrick's level of artistic control and large budget while making "2001", which obviously points to the fact that the film was funded by the U.S. government. Even the sub-par nature of "Eyes Wide Shut", Kubrick's last film, is explained. The film was bad because the government cut out all the parts explaining the truth behind the moon landing. Of course!

In light of his uncovering of the Kubrick conspiracy, Weidner truly is a genius. Unfortunatley, like the hidden messages in 2001: A space Odyssey, only he can really see it.

It's the Illuminati, stupid: The Tiger Woods scandal explained at last

Like all great exposes, Paul Drockton's blog post on the Tiger Woods scandal begins with a question.

Conspiracy theorist Paul A. Drockton, in his post on Conspiracy Planet , begins his musings on the Woods scandal like many sports writers: "As we read the sordid details of Tiger Woods personal life, the question raises its ugly head: How could a man with so much going for him outwardly be such a mess inwardly?"

It's a question that's been on the minds of many people of late, and many sports writers have begun their columns asking the very same sort of question. Sadly, most "professional" journalists with "qualifications",are not nearly as wise as Drockton, who helpfully explains the Woods scandal once and for all.

"Marital fidelity and family life mean nothing to the Illuminati Satanists that are actively manipulating our world." So true. Drockton goes on to outline the "real" cause of the Woods scandal, which is apparently far more complex than it appears.

Woods, according to Drockton, was mentally programmed from an early age by a satanic U.S. Military program called "MKULTRA" in order to become an amoral golfing machine. That's right: The Pentagon, as part of a plot to take over the world (or something), used mind control to turn a small child into a professional golfer. Those fiends!

Why our satanic overlords would devote their evil resources to teach children to play golf of all things isn't fully explained by Drockton. It appears their motives are too diabolically sinister for even Paul A. Drockton to fully comprehend.

Thankfully, Drockton is able to explain how Woods was brought into the mind control program by the late, beloved Comedian Bob Hope, whom Drockton describes as "a notorious MKULTRA programmer and pedophile CIA sexslave handler." Curiously, that part of Hope's resume is left off his Wikipedia page, which must mean Wikipedia is also owned by Satanists (I'm pretty sure I read that somewhere).

Perhaps Drockton's most stunning revelation is that other pro-golfers know Woods is part of an evil conspiracy.

Drockton quotes someone named J.Lee as saying: "Woods is HATED by other golfers, who know he's a manufactured product of Pentagon MKULTRA mind control. I was told this by a pro golfer while we were at an aircraft factory in Oregon hand-building our own personal jet aircraft." And of course, if J.Lee says it, it must be true.

Mysteriously, although they know Tiger Woods is part of some diabolical plot, these pro golfers who apparently build jets with their bare hands have never bothered to mention this to ESPN . I guess they save the really juicy gossip for J.Lee (who may or may not be Jason Lee).

At the end of Drockton's marvelously insightful post which manages to link professional golf, The Jon Benet Ramsey Scandal, Witchcraft and "Illuminati late night comedians," one can't help but be grateful for web 2.0.

Thanks to the miracle of blogging, people like Mr.Drockton (whose rants would likely be rejected by an actual newspaper) can finally reach the public with their incredible insights on websites like Conspiracy Planet.

At last, there is a forum for those fighting against lecherous golfers and evil, Satan worshiping late night comedians. You hear that, Jay Leno?

B9AN58MCRZSM

The Internet: A place for hate

Watch out, signs. "FortAnthem" has had enough of your oppression.

In an ominous development, signs manufactured by the anti-defamation league stating that a given area is a "no place for hate zone" have been placed in several communities. To many people, these signs were just harmless displays meant to encourage tolerance. To Anthem, the signs were clearly just the first step in a plot by the "Left wing" ADL to persecute him and others. "I hate these signs," said FortAnthem. In a post titled: "I hate no place for hate zones," Anthem asked "Am I the only one who feels a subtle sense of oppression whenever I pass by one of these signs?"

Apparently not. Fort Anthem, this courageous crusader against tyrannical signage, posted an excerpt from an article about another man, Ralph Filicchia, who would not abide such visual despotism. “The proclamation is discriminatory and a violation and infringement upon my civil rights as an American citizen,” he said. Apparently, in Filicchia's hometown of Watertown, Massachusetts, the city council made some sort of satanic pact, pledging in 2005 to "work to solve the problem of hate and build bridges to communities only by taking strategic and specific actions to create a feeling of welcome inclusion.” Those bastards. Sure, the resolution outlined no punishment mechanism for those who utter hate speech and seemed little more than a symbolic gesture, but Anthem reads between the lines, and he delved deeper into this "No Hate" business.

Anthem posted a copy of the Stalinist pledge the ADL has members of the "no hate" program sign. It centers around some sort of strange commitment to "stop those who, because of hate or ignorance, would hurt anyone or violate their civil rights, " and promote "intergroup harmony."This statement of support was enough to make Anthem's blood run cold. "It makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck," he said.

Sadly, most of those who posted responses to Anthem's grim warnings weren't sold on the dangers of these zones. This may seem logical considering the fact that signs cannot in fact arrest people and that the Anti-Defamation League, unlike a government entity, has no power to oppress anyone. Thankfully, folks like Anthem know better. "The best of intentions are often turned against us . They start out fighting against anti-semitism and racism, a position everyone can agree with. Soon, we discover criticism of Isreal has been defined "anti-semitic". How long before certain quotes from the Bible become labled as "hate speach?" said Anthem. Who knows, really? If he's right, thanks to these anti-discrimination zealots, our right to "free speach" may soon be in jeopardy.